I am in love with the idea of a girl.
She’s based in reality, but she may be fiction.
The thought of her comes and goes.
For three years now, she has come and gone.
Am I in love with her?
Or just the idea of her?

Is she as sweet as I remember her?
Are her insecurities still as cute as the day we met?
Does her boyfriend know I’m asking these questions?
We don’t speak often.
Circumstances and distances prohibit it,
But I do think of her often.

I struggle with anxiety.
But what am I anxious for?
What am I anxious about?
Could it be that I strive day after day,
working towards a vaguely defined goal,
and I no longer know why?

Could it be I just want someone to share it with,
the struggles, the achievements, the losses, the victories?
Could she be the one,
the one to save me from myself?
I no longer profess to know much of anything,
I just exist.

But there has to be more to existance.
Existance alone leads to anxiety.
I don’t want to be alone.
Could she be the one to save me from myself?
Or have I just created a magical fiction?
After all, I AM in love with the idea of a girl.