One person.

One.

One person showed up to my four hour long casting call today.  That’s depressing.  I advertised via flyers in both the communications and the fine arts buildings AND I even bought two days worth of ads on the facebook.  And ONE person showed up.  I’m sad.  I want my $30 back from facebook.

I should probably be more sad than I am, though.  I got an e-mail today from a mother of a Baylor freshman who lives in Brooks Hall.  Apparently the guys of Brooks had forgotten their legacy and were saying that putting the flame out was NOT a Brooks Hall tradition.  Some kid e-mailed his mom, his mom found the video I made as a Sophomore documenting the tradition, his mom e-mailed the link to the son, the video made the rounds in Brooks Hall yet again and the tradition was kept alive.  All because of my video.  All because of my crappy MTV-like video.  So that’s nice.

But ONLY ONE PERSON?!  ugh…

Life has just been one crazy rollercoaster ride the last couple months.  Things are back up, though, and life is good… for now.

I’m coming to the realization that work doesn’t suck, although for some reason Tuesday seems to be the weekly “Stiff your local pizza delivery driver night.”  So other than Tuesdays, Dominos is actually a half-way decent place to work—especially now that I’m only working 15 hours.  It feels more like a hobby than a job, and that’s good ‘cause 25 hours was scary.  It’s interesting what difference just 10 hours can make.

School is getting better as well.  We had our NYC orientation meeting today and I got to talk to Dr. Kickasola about paying for New York.  So long as I can get the Financial Aid office to send an e-mail to him stating that I have money on it’s way, I don’t have to worry about the early payment plan.  Sounds easy enough, but I’m hesitant to say that’s good ‘cause the Financial Office has a really awful track record when it comes to helping me.  At the very least, it’s a light at the end of the tunnel.

I got my silent film exercise out the way.  It wasn’t particularly amazing, but I’m happy with the way it came out considering I only spent like 2 hours shooting it.  I might re-edit it later for improved flow, but now that it’s out of the way, the stress seems to have miraculously lifted and I am REALLY excited about starting up my short film.  Hopefully I’ll be able to start shooting by the end of October / beginning of November.  Ideas are flooding into my head faster than I can process them, but I’m almost certain I’m going to need to schmooze certain professors and see if I can’t get access to the HD equipment.  I want to do this short right, and with the ideas I have, that’s going to require kick-ass equipment.

In summation, life is good.  Better, at least.  And God is good.  I don’t say that often (at least, not out loud), as quite frankly it really goes without saying, but it’s true.  And I want to say it.  God is good.  He’s the only thing holding me together through this time.  So, yes.  God is good.

I think that this is a little somber note to discuss, so I will leave you with the note from the apartment complex…

Please pay this total right away!!! We need for you to contact the office right away to tell us ”why rent is not paid” (why is this in quotes?).
IF PAYMENT NOT IN THE OFFICE WE WILL DO LOCK OUT’S FOR NON-PAYMENT OF RENT. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. WE WILL ALSO FILE EVICTION PAPERS ON YOU. IF WE DON’T KNOW WHY RENT I NOT PAID IN FULL. RENT SHOULD BE ALREADY BE PAID BY NOW (to be or to be again).

SIGNATURE______________________________ WITNESS____________________

PLEASE COME AND TALK TO US TODAY DON’T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!

CALL NOW !!!! (notice that there is no number to call)

[shaking his head]
Your Pal,

So sometimes you get a glimpse of how beautiful life really is. One of those times came this morning. It was a cool 67 on the thermometer, on a flat out clear day, with just enough breeze that you hair would move. I through the top down and was giving one of my most awesome friends Caroline a ride to the bank, and on the way back, after having filled my belly with kolaches from Jack n Jill Doughnuts, I decide to try and just go. I think that I hit 105 before I realized my exit was coming up. Man in that time where my foot was punched to the floor, I was alive. I felt like Superman zooming through the atmosphere. It was awesome, and like most things in life it was only made better by the company. A moment I’ll never forget!

Your Pal,

I feel better today.  I found out that my parents will be able to help secure the deposit so I can go to New York come January.  I cleaned up at work - made some niiiiiice tip money.

I’m still stressed, but the scariness is gone for now.  Hopefully it was just because it was Monday.  Mondays suck.  Especially when life isn’t peachy.

“I am a song.  I’ve been here all along.  Be here when the hatred’s gone.  Hey, can you recognize me?  I am the light of the sun.” - Angie Aparo

There was a scary moment as I was walking home from my Racquetball class today.  I could have sworn I was going to lose it, as in nervous breakdown lose it.  The tears were welling up, but I played it off as allergies, so passing Katy on the way into the apartment was an interesting moment.  I don’t think she noticed, though she’ll know now if she reads this…  The reality of my life, concerning these three months of October through December, while I had been fully conscious of all of it, hit me all at once.

This is supposed to be the greatest semester for me here at Baylor.  I’m finally able to take a full load exclusively with the classes I have WANTED to take since I first enrolled, but instead of this semester rocking, it is sucking something nasty.  These classes that I’ve waited so long to take require a lot of outside work, which I don’t mind, because as I’ve said, they’re classes I’ve been WANTING to take.  Now, while I admit my current financial situation is as much my fault as it is Baylor/Bank of America’s (giant, monstrous snag in the line of communication this summer), I find myself in the position where I have to take a job just so I can pay my bills and eat until January when the next set of loans are disbursed.  I took a job as a delivery driver for Domino’s Pizza, which isn’t a hard job, but looking at my schedule now, I have absolutely NO clue how I am going to balance 17 hours of classes (though officially my transcript only reads 13), a 25-hour-a-week job, and all the outside projects I have to do for those classes.

I am FRIGHTENED right now beyond belief, and I’m not afraid to admit it.  I can feel an ulcer developing right now as the knot in my stomach twists itself into formations only theoretical mathematicians are familiar with.

James and I are collaborating on a new video project which will serve as my final project for Directing The Film.  It has the promise and potential to be the best thing I / we’ve ever done, if it’s done right.  IF…  IF it is done right.  Pardon my French, but how the hell am I supposed to focus on making my last project at Baylor the best one yet when I’m walking a fucking tightrope trying to balance my fucking schedule?!

I have a silent film due next Monday.  I still don’t know what I am going to do for it, but because of my job, I’m not going to have time to even touch it until Saturday, and even then I work Saturday night.  I’m not worried about how the silent film comes out, because it’s just an exercize.  I am VERY worried about how the hell I’m going to get it done in time.

I have my music going right now to calm me.  I call it my Prozac Mix, ‘though I’m sure it’s much more effective than any medication.  I feel like I’ve got my shield up well enough that I’ll make it through December, because at this moment that’s all I’m worried about:  Making it through December.  I just feel like I’m going to turn a corner one of these days, leaving my back exposed for a full attack from our friend - the breakdown.

I hope this is just a really bad case of the Mondays.  I don’t know how long I can live like this :(