So things are going all over the place. Let me tell you about my dream last night, it was very thought provoking. (Dreams from now on will be in italics)

I am having an argument with my sister, which is strange, because I have no sister. Either way, we are having a very heated argument and she is about 16 and very cute. I can feel that I love her a lot, as much as my brother and my parents, but a lot more than these girls that I consider my sisters in this life. Maybe because she’s so much younger or that she’s just radiates innocence, or maybe it’s that we’re a lot alike. Ya, that’s it, she is so stinkin’ stubborn. She just won’t accept that I know anything, that I am now old, out of touch with reality, and a liar. Then I realize what we are arguing about. She is in the middle of high school, sophomore or junior, and she has been dating this guy for a while and she has decided, under much persistence on his part, that it is time to have sex. I am now even more enraged because I see the mistake that she is about to make, and I don’t want her too. She think that I can’t relate to what she is going through. She believes that we are just too far apart in age for me to know how it works these days. The part that hurts the most is that she refuses to believe that I am a virgin myself. She says that there is no way that I am and that I am liar. I notice Matt in the corner, and I feel like he is with me on this, but he won’t voice his opinion, because he feels that he shouldn’t tell her how to live her life. This pisses me off; friends and family are the people in this world that you can voice your opinion to. I leave Matt and refocus on her, at tell her that I’ll stop her. She scoffs, and lets me know that I can’t. I then have this revelation that not only do I not like the guy that she is dating, but I hate him, I want him out of her life forever. I then decide to through out those antiquated Christian values for which I was fighting so hard, and tell her that I’m just going to kick the shit out of him until he agrees to stop seeing her. She gives me a solid look of anger, and then it hits me, I have no power in this situation. I could kick the shit out of this guy, and the next guy that tries get into her pants, the next five guys, but the bottom line is that I have to change the fundamental values there, otherwise she will just add spite as a reason to do it, and not only will she make this bad choice, but I will be lost and blamed for the process. It’s not an easy feeling to accept that you have no power over a situation, especially when that situation is one that will have such a profound impact in the life of someone that is so close in love to you. UGHHHH, I just wanted to scream in pain, but I don’t. I just sat their staring at her and she at me. She couldn’t understand why I was trying to ruin her life like this. She think that I am butting in, as I then realize that I am not the one that she told, she told Matt and he told me. He also felt powerless and came to me to see if I could make an impact. And so here I am, at the end. I have exhausted all of my words, I have begged and pleaded, I have used every ounce of my brain only to come up with the revelation that I am no the one that can have any impact over the situation. So then the last resort I can think of hits me. I need to find someone that can find some type common ground and tell her that this is a mistake. I need to find someone that she will both relate to and respect, but whom? I then ask for 24 hours. She doesn’t want to, but I pull the,” I’m your brother if you love me just grant me this one request”. She grudgingly agrees, but tells me that whatever I’m pulling, it won’t make a difference. I go to every girl that I know in college, any of them that are not virgins, because every girl that I have talked to says that they wished that they had waited. I don’t know what happens. I sit the first girl down and she starts talking to her, and thought I have five or so girls there, the first one makes her cry. It’s at the point that I see her crying that everything is going to be okay for now, and that I have done the best that I can and my best was good enough to make a difference in her life.

This dream was so in vivid. I could feel the emotion running through me. In the five seconds after I had woken up this morning, if you had asked me if I had a sister, I wouldn’t have even hesitated in saying yes. It made me think about the girls that I date. I mean I don’t sleep with them, but sometimes I use them. Not as much as I used to, but I lean on certain ones emotionally, some physically, and I don’t like that. It was just an all around creepy feeling, and I don’t know what will come of it…On a similar note, I saw Elizabethtown last night, great movie. It was really in depth, in that it made me think about so many things: love, life, death, my father, Katy, my mother, Matt, my career. It hits all over the place. I am definitely going to see it again….And staying with the similar I went to the movies with Lauren, who I am starting to like hanging out with. I have a feeling that she is using me to get over her ex, and that I am using her as a filler. But I’m a pessimist and over-analyze. All I really know is that I like hanging out with and want to do it more, but nothing that would put it on a serious level. I also went out with Stephanie the other night. She’s really cool, and so easy to talk to. I really want to ask her out again, but being the forever pessimist I don’t have much confidence that she is all that into me in that way. I did, however make her laugh, and that is good enough to get me a second date and just like Cool Joe and His Airness, you never give James Rodgers a second chance, I will seal this deal. As for the other women in my life, I am hanging out with Sarah a lot more. Nothing is really coming of it and I have even started giving up hope as to becoming anything more that friends. I am however not going to trap myself in despair, I have given myself 45 days for something to happen, and after that, I give up hope. We are currently at day 39, and there is no change. Katy, is now dating someone else, and though it hurts me, I am happy for her, because though Seth says he doesn’t like him, he is treating her nice, so he has my blessing till I hear a bad word. A bad word being me kicking ass. Rachel continues to be the emotional rollercoaster. I pray for her, and that she turns to God to heal her, but I can’t be her friend right now. She has started calling me again, wanting to be friends, but I just am going to have to say no until she agrees to change things, like crazying out on me every other week…Still no change in the academics. I am kicking ass for the most part, I just have to keep it up…I have decided that I though I still love living at La Mirage, the new manager, is one of the worst in history. Seth and I are going to go over there and raise some Hell if they don’t stop just dropping off bills for no reason…Big games today, so I’m hoping for some positive outcomes, but until next time kids…

Your Pal,

I think that this is a little somber note to discuss, so I will leave you with the note from the apartment complex…

Please pay this total right away!!! We need for you to contact the office right away to tell us ”why rent is not paid” (why is this in quotes?).
IF PAYMENT NOT IN THE OFFICE WE WILL DO LOCK OUT’S FOR NON-PAYMENT OF RENT. xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx. WE WILL ALSO FILE EVICTION PAPERS ON YOU. IF WE DON’T KNOW WHY RENT I NOT PAID IN FULL. RENT SHOULD BE ALREADY BE PAID BY NOW (to be or to be again).

SIGNATURE______________________________ WITNESS____________________

PLEASE COME AND TALK TO US TODAY DON’T WAIT!!!!!!!!!!!

CALL NOW !!!! (notice that there is no number to call)

[shaking his head]
Your Pal,

So sometimes you get a glimpse of how beautiful life really is. One of those times came this morning. It was a cool 67 on the thermometer, on a flat out clear day, with just enough breeze that you hair would move. I through the top down and was giving one of my most awesome friends Caroline a ride to the bank, and on the way back, after having filled my belly with kolaches from Jack n Jill Doughnuts, I decide to try and just go. I think that I hit 105 before I realized my exit was coming up. Man in that time where my foot was punched to the floor, I was alive. I felt like Superman zooming through the atmosphere. It was awesome, and like most things in life it was only made better by the company. A moment I’ll never forget!

Your Pal,

To drink or not to drink, to get high or to remain sober, and to engage in fornication or not to. I have these decisions looming over me at this point. I want to do all three. I want to have each of those as part of my life experience, but I am scared that I am violating myself. I mean, I don’t know what is even going on with girls. I am so lost and just want someone to talk to honestly with, and have them give the reaction that I want. I don’t know if that will happen, but if it does, I will be happy, at least for a time. I doubt that I will have sex, because that is more a decision of timing than anything else. It will happen and I feel that saving that for someone special (my wife) and that there is nothing that I should do to jeopardize that. The drinking and the drugs are different. There is a point at when I have to stop doing stupid stuff. When I have to be responsible for others lives and my own (on more of a level than I am now). I want to try new things, and at this point I think that I have tried most of what I feel is exciting. I mean that I want to know certain things feel like, and the sensation of getting high, tripping, whatever you want to call it, I want to know what it feels like. I want to have that sensation pulsate through my body, and ponder on it. The drinking is another thing all together. I don’t know whether I will ever start to drink in my lifetime, but if I am going to, I should start now. I mean why waste time. Those are my reasons for. The reasons against are that I feel like getting high is wrong, not to mention illegal and dangerous. I could become an addict or I could get busted and kicked out of college and never able to get a job again. Now these are unlikely scenarios, I mean to say that those aren’t my reasons for doing it. Right now the main reason is that it is a sin and that I have never done it before. I think that it says a lot about the testimony if they haven’t just quit something, but moreover that they had the fortitude not to ever do it. I am afraid that it will, in some way, hurt my Christianity. I don’t ever want to hurt my walk with God; even now when I don’t feel him in my life. I don’t want to make a decision that will last a lifetime, when it is a momentary mood where I feel like I am no longer attached to my God. Oh well I think that I have about a week to make this decision, at least about the pot. I have someone coming over that will make me a very tempting offer, and whether I do or not will be a lifelong decision. But I think that’s life, “Huge decisions in the crunch that define who you are forever.”...

I am feeling better about my friends situation. Like I do have friends who love me and things to do on the weekend. Seth and I (a group that we are) are finding a nitch in which to run in. I think that I’m gonna be okay. I just need to keep a sunny outlook. Though it helps that Joseph is in town. He is always the voice of reason in my life, and God knows that I need that now more than ever…

I think that this is enough reality for a Saturday night, I am too young to be dealing with all of this crap…

Your Pal,

SPURS WIN—SPURS WIN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

My heart is lifted to the point that I can say no more…

Your Pal,

I cry out to the Oh Lord God. I need you. I write this as my testimony, ” I put my academic situation in Your hands God. I am not able to do it on my own. I tried and I have failed. It may be too late for You to help, You may need for me to learn another lesson, but I beg for Your grace. It is in writing this that I can see my faith. I have been hearing a lot these days that would make me question my faith, that Christianity is no more real than any other religion, that it is all coincidence and chance that has brought it this far. I feel You, I know that You move in me and in others. I know that You are real because of the same reasons that I know that the wind is real, because I see it’s effects. I see how You move to keep me going. I cry out to You in my hour of need. There is no way that this trial can be met on my own. I need You to get me through; to carry me when I can walk no more. I am in the face of my trials and I need to call on the Great that I am, for only You can make me great, and that is what it will take to survive this. I am not asking that /you to help me in the way that I see, but in any way. Not mine will, but Yours be done. I beseech You oh Most High….grant me grace.

Your Child,

Based on some internet browsing that I was doing the other day, I have decided to make a list, presenting…

                    THE TOP TEN MOVIE JERKS OF ALL TIME…
...this isn’t merely “bad guys” like El Guapo in Three Amigos , though some of them are. This isn’t evil doers like Joker and Darth Vader. These are the guys that after about five minutes on screen you realize that you want to punch them in the face. I think that you will understand once you read through them. I hope that to hear your own lists if you have any, if not I will assume that my list is perfect…

10) Biff Tannon - Back to the Future - Okay, you first see him and he seems kinda harmless, you know just a bully, maybe just a classic youth. Then it hits you, this is the same guy that is picking on George McFly in the future. My gosh, he has made his life based on kicking around one guy.
Defining Reason for Being on the List - Tries to violate Marty’s mom.
Come Up-ins - George stands up to him and decks him into the car detailing business.

9) Douglas C. Neidermeyer - Animal House -This guy doesn’t even need to really be explained. The second of three outright bullies to make the list. If there is one thing that I wont stand for it’s treating an animal better than a human, he kisses a horse for kicking poor flounder. Tries to get the entire Delta house kicked off campus. And the general creepy look that he gets during the Omega initiations.
Defining Reason for Being on the List - Tries to shoot a guy named Flounder.
Come Up-ins - Killed by his own men in Vietnam, poetic justice???

8) Deebo - Friday - The last and worst of our bully collection. Everyone knew a Deebo growing up. He was the guy that no matter how bad you were feeling, he was gonna make you feel worse. He takes a grown man’s bicycle and necklace. Isn’t this stuff supposed to stop around third grade? I mean that and he hits shows no remorse for his abuse of women.
Defining Reason for Being on the List - Threats to fight a man’s elderly father after you think that you have won.
Come Up-ins - Craig knocking him out via a trash can and a brick.

7) Steph - Pretty in Pink - I don’t know if it’s the feathery hair. It could be the fact that he is rich, arrogant, and spoiled beyond belief. Maybe it’s the fact that he tells his best friend to dump a girl because she is “trash”. The fact that he is hypocritical to boot seeing that he asked that same girl out at the beginning of the movie. It could be a combination of all of those things, however I think that there is one defining thing that makes me hate him more than anything else…
Defining Reason for Being on the List - He wears a suit to school, and wears it with shoes that require no socks, or at least in his mind, I always thought that loafers and socks were like Peanut butter and Jelly.
Come Up-ins - ducky tries to fight him, and though he wins, well, let’s just say that for that scene I would have liked the role of Ducky to be played by Mike Tyson…

6) Scar - Lion King - I think that it is pretty obvious why he is the only animated character on the list. I also think that anyone that has seen the movie had no problem with him being so high. I mean family is supposed to be thicker than anything else, yet he makes it his life’s ambition to kill his brother! I mean you have a nice life living in the jungle, and being the duke or whatever, but no, you have to the king. I mean let it go, you were born second, you lost.
Defining Reason for Being on the List - Not only killing your own brother, but convincing a kid, your nephew, that he was the one responsible.
Come Up-ins - It’s Disney, so we don’t get to see it, but I don’t think the Hyenas were tickling him.

5) Wes - Urban Cowboy - Not one of my personal favorites, but a good movie. The thing about Wes is he’s a jerk. I know, your saying but why him, what did he do? Well I think the fact that he makes it his whole to make another man look bad, just to steal another man’s wife is pretty bad. The fact that he tries to rob Gilly’s, and ties up an old women is another. However, in the end the thing that got him into the top ten is..
Defining Reason for Being on the List - Not only do you steal the other man’s wife, but you hit her after you got her…shame shame…
Come Up-ins - John Travolta beats the mess outta him, and then they bust him for robbing the place.

4) Nurse Ratched - One Flew Over the Coo Coo’s Nest - It is an honor to present the only women on this list, and boy does she earn her spot. You might as well call her Nurse Wretched. I mean come on does she actually have any humanity left in her? I have met I have ice cubes with more warmth than this lady. I think that her being that inhuman was enough for me.
Defining Reason for Being on the List - She deprives men of the one thing they truly need to survive, sports.
Come Up-ins - Jack chokes her like a Thanksgiving turkey.

3) Carter Burke - Aliens - I think that selling out human lives to preserve a species that you know will kill you is not only a pretty jerky thing to do, but stupid. The character is played perfectly by Paul Reiser, who is part idiot, one part greed machine, and every part jerk. I think that his overall desire to bring back something he knows to be dangerous is why got up here so high.
Defining Reason for Being on the List - Locking Riply and the others in a room so that the Aliens can infect them.
Come Up-ins - coming face to face with the thing that he wanted to save, note also not going to tickle him.

2) Zed - Pulp Fiction - This will be short and to the point. No, means no, even if it is the bad guy of the movie.
Defining Reason for Being on the List - Violating Marcellas Wallace.
Come Up-ins - Shot on screen, and though off screen he was gotten mid-evil on…

1) Kurtwood Smith - Robocop - I think that this couldn’t be killed enough. First off he and his gang are thieves, and then drugs addicts/dealers. They work for one of the sleaziest guys ever to grace the movies, Dick Jones, and then they try and torture a women cop. Maybe I am blaming him to much for the actions of others, but he was their leader. I mean the guy blew up his own friends brand new car, just because it looked like his. I congratulate him on his performance. It is one that he has reprised as Red Foreman on That 70’s Show .
Defining Reason for Being on the List - The way that they torture Alex Murphey to death.
Come Up-ins - Robocop stabs him in the eye.

I think that the list is complete, and though it took great restraint, I did not throw in any of my usual Kevin Smith bias on this one (though if I did an honorable mention, Shannon Hamilton from Mallrats would be on there…)

Your Pal

Well, I am confused…I was dumped twice within about thirty hours, by the same girl, for the same reason (I mean, not really dumped, since we’d only been seeing each other a week, but I like the alliterative sound). I have to say though the reason was what surprised me the most. I, James “Don Jaime” Rodgers, the guy that has kissed 46 girls and broken at least as many hearts, was dumped for BEING TO SERIOUS! I have to say that is the most amazing part about all of this, especially when you consider that she asked me to come home with her after five days of dating.

What happened was that she said that she thought she was falling in love with me, and so I felt it was supposed to tell her that I was falling in love with her, a bit soon after only dating for one week, but I felt comfortable based on the progression of the relationship. She I guess saw this as the wake up call that I was serious about being serious. Anyway, she then told me once that she didn’t think that we should date, because it ( I ) was moving to fast. I then told her that if we brake up that I would not get back together, and that if she did want to stay with me that we could slow it down. She decided that we could go ahead and continue on dating. I decided to cool it and go out with my boys the next night. I didn’t talk to her for the next day and a half, then called her today to confirm that we still had a date that night. She informed me that she forgot about a previous engagement, but that she would call me later. I took it as okay, then laid down to take a nap. I was awakened Lindsey calling my phone, she said she wanted to come by and see me, I said sure. I through on some clothes and almost immediately answered my door, I sat down, started watching the television. She started some small talk, and the next thing I hear is, ” I don’t think that we should see each other any more.”

I immediately started making my plans, I told myself to play it cool. After breaking a few hearts I know that it is easier for both parties if no one makes a scene. I sat there played like it didn’t affect me, and then started telling myself that I would go out with Travis tonight, and find some young vixen to cure what ails me. I decided that the best way was the way that I handle most things, ignore my feelings, and then cut the person off. This however left me with some questions. I wanna know what changed her mind about giving me a chance to calm it down. I am curious about why it is okay for her to move fast on me, but I can’t move fast on her. I am just trying to figure out what happened. I am just totally confused. I also made the decision, that if I don’t want to repeat the mistakes of the past, then I don’t need repeat the patterns of the past. In other words, I’m gonna try and avoid the rebound that I am almost famous for. “Ah well tomorrow is another day…”

Your Pal,

                        Young Marriage: Not All It’s Cracked Up To Be

Married life is overrated…It’s all a trap. I would love to call young marriage the sex trap, but that’s not the only reason that everyone gets married young, though it makes up a good bit of the reason that it happens. Some people get married young because they are insecure and are afraid of spending their life all alone forever or maybe they think that it will be the grand fairy tale that they read about, though this is a minority. I know that most get married because they are devastatingly in love, and they want to spend eternity with their best friend. I realize that they are the majority, and will never doubt that love, at least not at first. One must realize that there is a great deal of misconceptions involved with marriage.  Change, it is the one word that I feel should be added to the wedding vows. I think that the word “change” should follow “I do”. Very few things in your life will remain the same. Number one to go is your priorities. Your world that at one point may have revolved around God or school or work or friends, whatever it was that used to be number one in your life will become at best number two. You may ask what is shifting all of your rankings out of whack, its sex. That three letter word will consume you for the next three months of your life. That will be the bliss stage. You will be so high on aphrodisiac that you will not notice the subtle changes that take place. After marriage the bond between you and God will grow strong, mainly for all of the pleasure that he brought into your life over the past months. Unfortunately that will be the only relationship that will grow. I can almost guarantee that once you are married your academic life will suffer. I have never met any one whose grades improved due to there new responsibilities. That coupled with the fact that hey, who wants to go the library when you can have sex instead. Work is similar to school in that it will get worse, much, much worse. You then have all this added pressure. I mean, that is to say that there is a need now to go to work, but you can’t take it casually. If you decide not to go in it means that “Snuggly Bear” won’t have the money to buy the noodles that she needs to make her Snootchies that Tuna Noodle Casserole that he hates, mostly because she won’t learn to cook yet. In fact it’ll be another year and a half before your not praying for Lupita’s, though the Mrs. Shouldn’t feel bad, you won’t pick it up for another ten. Anyway, so all the Tuna Noodle Casserole pressure is enough by itself, but coupled with the fact that your not out of school and your worried that you could end up waiting tables the rest of your life scares you. So you’re a few credits shy of getting kicked out of school, your getting food poisoning from the noodles, and your scared to death that you will be asking, “Do you want that on the side…?” for the rest of your life. Then comes the real blow to your now fragile existence. When your down and out, who can you turn to, your friends right, wrong. NNNNTTTT Wrong answer McFly. Once you’re married it means that you won’t have the same friends that you had when you were single. Everyone that gets married young never realizes that, and after the sex/newness wears off in three months. They want to be back with their single friends, but they can’t. Married people and single people don’t mix, never have never will. Though you have your one great friend, there is still a loss of your other friends. As I sad earlier married people and single people don’t mix, and once your married if you’re thinking that once they are all married that you all do couple stuff, you’re lying to your self. Once all of you friends get married you will only get 50% of your friends. It works like this, because you won’t all marry into your own group some of your friends will hang out with their spouse’s friends, so automatically your friend circle is cut in half. Heck you only have a 50% chance of seeing your friends in a social capacity. Hence forth you begin to realize that you will never se your old friends again. So you then begin to try and get comfortable in the new group of your “married friends”. Then all that is ruined by the fact that someone ruins that by having a kid. Be for warned that once you decide to have kids you are crossing a dangerous line. Because once you have kids you’ll NEVER see your friends again. All intelligent conversation will be reduced to that one friend. It will be talk like, did you remember this, and have you seen my that.  Then you will have no other choice, but to have more children. Only having more kids is to remain from getting bored. In short be prepared to sacrifice everything for this person. You will give up everything and everyone that you hold dear. The only thing that will become better for you is your relationship for God for blessing you with that someone who you are willing to give all of your friends up for.

Your Pal,

Oh man, I can’t wait till I get to the computer in at my apartment. I’m sorry I’ve been neglecting you. I have been away at camp for a week. I had an awesome time, with lots of spiritual growth. I made a couple of new friends, and saw some old ones. I really want to go back down to San Antonio before the summer is up, I hope to actually see the city this time…Matt spent a week at my apartment house-sitting for me, Lord knows what went on there…

Your Pal,